Keep Your Eye On The Ball

It’s been a few months for me to write.  I’ve been trying to stay busy with school and work.  I think about the perfect recipe laid out before me, but I can’t do it.  The ability I have for success makes so much sense.  For whatever reason I’m back to sleeping my life away.  I named this blog 3:30 am for a reason.  I sleep all day and can’t sleep at night.  My schedule seems to always return back to this.

Lately, I’ve been trying to convince myself after serving a mission I’m okay to receive these blessings just waiting for me to run away with.  Another focus has been that Jesus Christ has already suffered and I don’t need to suffer in order to be successful.  It’s insane how programmed my mind is thinking I need to suffer in order for good things to happen.

One reason I stay in bed during the day is I feel I can finally sleep in peace.  Of course the anxiety builds up with all the things I should be doing and I stress myself out so much the only way to escape is to sleep.  I hate going to sleep and I hate waking up.  Some know I joke about the only superpower I want is not having to sleep.

Depression sucks so bad.  I have good ideas on how to get better.  Setting alarms, using the bed for only sleeping, eating consistently, getting outside etc.  Except I can’t even put pants on and end up going downstairs to eat more no bake cookies before returning to bed.  (true story)

Guess I just need to keep my eye on the ball.